Jamie's Rules
by DiggyDelena
Summary: Born from two parents know for their covert occupations, Jamie Elizabeth Anderson is nothing shy of brilliant herself. However, she may have inherited more than just some impressive spy skills from her parents. [Future fic revolved around the original character of Auggie and Annie's daughter Jamie. Stemmed from my "Timeline" universe fictions.] T for language and suggestive themes.
1. Welcome Home

**It is recommended that you the last two installments of "Time Frame" before beginning this fic. Note that "Time Frame" is a sequel collection of one-shots to "Timeline" and that this fic directly stems off a one-shot in "Time Frame."**

**Welcome Home  
**_Present Day - - Washington D.C._

.

A loud clatter sounded from the other side of the door, the sharp sound vibrating through the cramped space of the tiny apartment. Deep in his slumber and still half dressed from waiting for his beautiful..._something_ to come home, the 30-year-old Australian native bolted out of his sleep with wide eyes and a partially violent gasp like he'd just been falling in his sleep. Not a moment later a hushed curse just barely sounded from the door, and the man let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. _She was home._

"Shit," the young woman cursed much louder than she had intended as she glanced down at her mess. Her tanned legs and feet looked like they'd been bathed in lucky charms and 2% milk.

"_Fan-fucking-tastic._" The brunette woman swore under her breath as she carefully tiptoed over the shattered chunks of cheap white glass in the middle of the linoleum floor. She turned back to the mess when she'd successfully dodged the minefield of toe-killing obstacles and let out an over exaggerated, loud, and particularly disgruntling grumble.

She was tired, her bones were aching, her head was throbbing, their was a shrill ringing in her right ear and even the most minimal movement or twitch sent a searing hot, almost acidic pain to her left side. The young woman clutched her side again, her brown eyes shutting tightly, breath caught in her throat and bottom lip dropping for a moment as she gasped. Distracted by the catastrophic end to her attempted late night dinner mixed with that intense jab at her side, the young woman didn't hear the bedroom door silently turn open or the series of near-silent footsteps behind her.

"Forget it," she grumbled much lower this time, talking to herself in annoyance over the entire turn of events. She _had_ been hungry, but after the day she had endured, flying in a day early with a three-day-old fractured rib, a horrific set of bruises, and this agonizing ache that wouldn't go away, she decided it just wasn't worth it.

From the other side of the room, Benjamin Ryan watched the young woman before him grumble lightly to herself and assess the situation. He knew he probably _should_ announce his presence to her, feeling silently mischievous spying on her like this, but having never known Jamie Anderson to be a person easily surprised, he took his one chance to catch her off guard.

She was stunning. It wasn't even that Jamie Elizabeth Anderson was this overtly beautiful and put together woman that society made out to be as the "it" girl. Her hair was a mess, the tumbling, loose half curls falling sloppily out of her old and twisted band in her barely shoulder-length brown hair. She didn't wear any makeup, much like she rarely had on more that some liner and mascara. Her feet were bare, a dark and ugly bruise slithering up her left ankle. Ben's eyes traced the blotches of purple and grey, starting at her ankle, up her leg in two places, the side of her knee, and darkening as it progressed up her thigh. Her swallowed a little more thickly when the bruise disappeared under the dark blue of her panties and the man finally registered what she was wearing.

With neither shoes nor socks, her small feet were bare, one foot balancing its weight at the ball, the other flat on a clear tile of flooring. She wasn't wearing any pants, and only when she reached over or up did her top raise enough for him to catch a glimpse of the navy blue of her panties. His eyes traveled up further and a smile sprouted. The thin, loose cotton of _his _over sized t-shirt hung loose on her body, the large neck swinging off one bare shoulder and draping softly over her small breasts. Somehow, there was something so unmistakably breathtaking about her current presence and attire.

"So you sneak in _and_ steal my shirt?" The instant his groggy voice arose Jamie nearly jumped out of her skin in startle. There was an immediate gasp that erupted from her lips and her hand instantly flew to her side, successfully catching Ben's attention as she cringed.

"You're hurt," it wasn't a question, the tone of concern making the man's accent ever more prominent. Jamie would have regularly torn down such a comment that insinuated any weakness of hers, but in this moment she was so sore, aching, and just downright exhausted, she didn't even comment. _She wanted to be home._

Ben took two long strides forward, one eye carefully accessing the mess of cereal, milk, and glass in the middle of the small kitchen but not bothering to comment. He reached out one long arm, and Jamie was slow but steady as she reached out herself and let him pull her much smaller body into his. She didn't know she had been holding her breath until her body met with his and his strong arms came around her aching body, but the moment it did, and she let out the much pent up breath of air in her lungs, letting her body's weight sink into her hold and release all that stress, discomfort, and aching feelings of homesickness she'd been battling with since she'd left.

"I've missed you," she finally trusted herself to whisper out after a moment of silence. Her eyes were closed, face pressing farther into his warm chest as he tightened his hold but she somehow knew he was smiling. She breathed in his smell with restful closed eyes and finally after days of discomfort, smiled as well.

"I tried to wait for you," his whisper was the first sound to disturb the young woman already in the beginning stages of drifting off in his arms.

"Since I wasn't supposed to get in until tomorrow I had to stay under the radar." Ben glanced down at the source of the low and sleepy voice, and upon seeing Jamie's closed eyes and her breathing start to slow and even out he made the executive decision that it was time to bring her to bed. Without another word, the man began to lightly pull her along towards her bedroom. Jamie never protested, her small feet slowly stumbling alongside his, eyes barely opening past a crack, muscles and joints feeling like they could collapse and fall asleep right there in the middle of the floor.

Once in the room, Ben slowly helped her sit in bed, her shorter, sun kissed legs dangling off the side. Jamie watched him slightly in confusion but never once made a sound of question or protest as he disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and re-emerged a moment later with a wet towel. She smiled sleepily as she let her eyes close when her touched her sore feet with the cool, wet towel, wiping off the residue of her failed dinner attempt.

Somewhere in the soothing circles her made on her skin she must have drifted further into sleep that she expected because the next moment she fluttered her lids to peer out in the room all the lights were already off, her legs had been tucked in warmly under the blankets with only her feet hanging out the end the way she liked it. The mattress shifted and she smiled through closed lids as Ben brought himself up next to her under the blanket. She didn't even ask for permission; as he laid back himself to find some rest again she didn't hesitate to bring her sore body closer to his and silently as always rest her head against his chest. There was a moment of silence in which the only sounds that filled the room were two Breathing patterns beginning to even out into a slow rhythm and a soft medley of city noises as the early birds of the work force began to begin their early morning rituals outside the small apartments walls.

"Ben?" Her voice came out as a whisper, low and laced with a dream-like quality as she struggled not to let slumber completely envelope her.

"Hmm," he only made a small sound in response but the smooth circles he was starting to draw on her back with his outstretched arm gave away that he wasn't quite dreaming yet.

"I've missed you." It was three words she had already told him since her return, but something about the way she slipped the small sentence off her sleepy lips told the man beside her that she wasn't just referring to her latest trip.

"I spent a lot of time missing you Jamie."

Her breath came out more focused and emphasized under the weight of his words, but she didn't respond. There was a promise in his words, and even though he didn't speak them, her mind and heart together knew he was both reminding her of the offer he made just before her trip and a promise he'd made years ago before all the chaos in her life had begun spiraling into a dark and twisted path. Moments started slowly passing like the light ticking of a clock. Neither of the entangled pair responded for some time and once again their breathing began to slow and even out. Jamie was just beginning to sink into a deep slumber when Ben finally spoke again.

"Do you remember when we met?"

Her lips turned into a smile for once in too long a time and she breathed in deeply through her nose, trying to inhale as much of his warm scent as possible as she thought about that one mission that changed her more than any other.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hello my ducklings! Its been a while since I've posted, but Covert Affairs being out of season for _months_ now (why is July so far away?) I really needed to get back to writing. Unfortunately I seem to have hit a dry spell with my Walkerson fiction, so I decided to revisit something I had started and never posted in hopes it'll get me writing.

Basically, this fic will give you the backstory of Jamie's story of how she met her Ben and everything that led up to the one-shot in my **_Time Frame_** series also titled "Jamie's Rules." There will not be a lot of Auggie and Annie in here initially, but I will be referencing them often and hopefully you'll catch bits and pieces of both their character in Jamie. She has both good parts, and bad parts of both her parents.

Okay, that's enough for now. Leave me love!

- Liz


	2. How Jamie Met Ben

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**How Jaime Met Ben**

_3 years 8 months ago - - Sydney, Australia_

* * *

Jamie Elizabeth Anderson in her young and fresh 24-years of age had been to exactly 12 different countries before beginning her latest op. In all the television programs she'd managed to glance at, literature she had absorbed, and missions she had been sent out for however, nothing had prepared her for her trip down under.

It wasn't just hot, it was _blistering._

"How does anyone even breathe in this heat?" The 24-year-old complained loudly as she peered out a window. A chuckle sounded from behind her and when the currently dirty-blonde turned around she did all she could to resist biting her lip at the gloriously naked body eating up her own form with two hungry, hazel eyes.

"You could always get naked," the man's voice spoke out seductively with a mischievous smirk on those gloriously bronzed lips of his that made a warm shiver run over her skin and sink down into her core. God, he was _sex_ in one irresistible, sun-tanned package.

"Mmmm," she dragged out the syllable enticingly as she slowly took a step forward. Her thin fingers played with the thin edge of the sheet around her body as the shiny fabric loosened, her brown eyes watching his unblinking as she took another step forward, a thick swallow sending a bob in his throat. A sly and sexy smile spread her mouth, and she watched the man's bottle lip drop slightly, the lust and hunger deep set in those incredible eyes of his.

"As fun as that sounds," her knee came into contact with the pillowtop mattress, her hand never releasing the sheet covering her body, every movement, sound, and look she made throwing the man deeper and deeper into her web of seduction. _She was much too good at this._

_"..._I have a flight to catch." For a second the man just blinked, not understanding or perhaps simply not hearing her last few words until Jamie suddenly started to stand and walk away from him.

"What?" His voice almost choked and he sat up just as she disappeared into the attached bathroom.

"I told you…" she paused. _What was his name again?_ "I'm only in the city for a few hours between my flights." She decided to dodge any names all together. The man grumbled loudly in an obvious exaggeration, and Jamie finally stepped back into the bedroom now in the lacy black bra he'd so expertly removed last night and those tight black jeans that left so little to the imagination.

"Where's my shirt?" She asked aloud and completely ignoring the hungry eyes still complaining about her lack of willingness to replay last night's festivities.

"So is this what you do?" the unnamed man ignored her question as she lifted and threw over his discarded boxer shorts to find one of her boots. "Fly into cities with your sexy little smile and seduce men into letting you lodge at their apartments for free and then fly off the next morning without even letting them know your full name?"

Jamie finally found her shirt off in the corner of the room and wasted no time quickly throwing it over her messy, currently blonde waves. She glanced down at her wrist for a second before finally turning back to the stranger with a mischievous smirk on her face.

"That's not true," she said back with a teasing tone as she swiftly picked up her travel suitcase with one arm. "I usually get them to buy me breakfast too." Before the man had another chance to argue, Jamie Anderson was out the apartment door and into the blistering Australian heat. The faux blonde slid on a dark pair of glasses and threw her bag adorned with fake airline markers over her shoulder.

The sun beat down on her slowly tanning skin as she started down the stairs with a smirk on her face and a slight shake of her head at just how _gullible_ these pretty young guys she always ran into could be.

Jamie's phone began to vibrate in her back pocket just as she reached the bottom of the stairs and she didn't hesitate to answer it without even a glance at the ID.

"A dark blue sedan is going to pick you up two blocks south of your location," the familiar voice spoke without a second of hesitation. "Get in it, tell them the instructions you were given and the car should take you to the park where your contact will be waiting."

Jamie smiled as she looked around for a moment as a reflex. "Good morning to you too, my love," her smooth words held a hint of sarcastic wit to them.

"Well I guess I don't have to ask how your flight went. Tell me the poor man you seduced into bed at least knew you weren't planning to stay long this time?"

Jamie smirked. "But of course," she said slyly as she approached a corner and took a second to glance around. "Women like us don't spend enough time in one place to build relationships. He was more than willing to give the young and naive American flight attendant a tour around the city and his apartment."

"My God, Anderson," the man on the other side of the line almost spoke with a hint of admiration. "You are a force to be reckoned with." A bubbly laugh filled the empty space and Jamie took the pause in conversation to climb into the arranged vehicle and repeat the phrases she'd been instructed to.

"So where am I going, Alex?"

"Well I take it must really have been a good morning for you if we're back to first name basis." Jamie silently rolled her eyes but didn't bother to verbalize the action. The invisible voice made some light chatter for a few more minutes as the preassigned car took Jamie to her destination. She let him talk, knowing full well that since he was her handler and she was currently in a different timezone he would end up spending a very long night in his office chair until she got back to the safe house later her evening and his late morning.

"There is a music festival that is being hosted in the area you're to meet. We have reason to believe the target is going to be meeting other international buyers tomorrow during the festive. Hundreds of thousands people are going to be present at this festival, a lot of money is being put into some of the bigger performances and there are a lot of higher class personnel that are going to take advantage of the chaos to make business they normally hide underground."

The car finally came to a stop and Jamie took a step out as she peered out into what looked like an almost empty amphitheater.

"Did you read the file I sent you before your departure?"

"Yea," her brown eyes scanned the area as she spoke. "I'm looking for a Henry Morrison. He works for the venue where the festival is being placed and oversees lighting and electrical. Though he hasn't officially been turned yet, we know his price tag isn't very high and he'll snitch of Coulton without much provocation."

"Chances are he doesn't understand what Coulton is really doing or how dangerous he is, so you need to be cautious about Morrison's ignorance in this situation."

"Right," Jamie breathed out a hard breath. "Get in, acquire an asset, gather intel, get out."

"If he misses a meet or changes a detail at the last second, get out immediately. We don't need Coulton knowing we're on his turf, and if he finds out about Morrison, he will be on a fast-track mission to figure out who he's leaked intel to."

"Got it," she said back quickly. Jamie was ready to disconnect.

"Jamie," the other line called out quickly before she had a chance to end the conversation. There was a pause. "Be careful. You're not in a particularly dangerous area or even in enemy territory here, but sometimes getting too comfortable is more dangerous than being in a war zone all together.

"I got it," she repeated again."

"Jamie," his voice was stern this time around and Jamie had the urge to roll her eyes. "Don't be stupid. This is not a vacation, its a mission and I swear, if I miss the birth of my child trying to save your ass out there because you did something stupid, you will never be able to repay that to me."

"Goodbye Alex," she said back tersely and quickly before he had a chance to throw another word of caution into the air. The phone made a soft _thlunk_ as she dropped it into her bag. Jamie took a hard and deep breath. There was a tinge of guilt after hearing her handlers last comment, but she tried not to let it jostle her nerves.

If there was something she _knew_ didn't mix well with being the kind of person and the kind of professional she was, it was those tricky, sticky, clinging little things called _attachments._ Love and spy business did not mix. Relationships and the CIA didn't mix. Families and being a covert operative _did not mix._ She had been telling herself these things since before she even was officially recruited or invited to the farm. When she had first been assigned Alex as her handler, he had also mentioned something similar. Now that same person, the closest thing she had to family besides her actual immediately family was married and expecting the birth of his first child.

"_Hypocrite,_" she spoke gruffly to herself in annoyance. She knew in a small part of her that it was different in her case and his. She was always in the field, always in a different country and city, and overall in more dangerous situations than he. Still, she had always felt like there was an unspoken pact between them to remain unattached by any means possible, and in the past year he had entered in a relationship, ended up engaged, gotten his fiance at the time pregnant, married her, and now was days from expecting the birth of his first child.

Jamie tried to let go of the poisoning thoughts and let her focus return to the mission. She was looking for a man she had never gotten a photo of and had the most minimal description of. The only clue she had was he was going to be holding a flashlight...because a flashlight in the middle of the daytime was not at all conspicuous. The young woman glanced down at her watch for only a moment to check the time. Realizing she was less than three minutes from meeting the contact, she turned back up just in time to dodge a mid-forties man passing by quickly. Her eyes narrowed for just a second. The dark head of partially peppered hair walked quickly away in the opposite direction and into a passing group of workmen carrying heavy sound equipment. The young operative had zero reason to be weary of the everyday ordinary event, but something deeply rooted in her subconscious was sending off a small red flag. Her warm brown eyes stayed focused in the area where the man had walked off to and she didn't hesitate to start off in that direction.

A speck of the dark peppered hair showed itself over to the left and without coming off as too obvious, Jamie Anderson began following him. Her mind replayed all the details of the file Alex had given to her before she boarded the flight back in D.C. She knew Morrison was in his mid forties and probably dressed similarly to the man that almost just walked into her, but she also knew the man was expecting her meet.

The man in question rounded a sharp corner and Jamie resisted the urge to pick her pace for fear of attracting unwanted attention. The instant she reached the corner and turned however, the man was gone. Her pace slowed down as her eye searched for any sight of the man, but dozens of younger, brunette and some blonde heads mixed and moved about, none of them matching the older man she had just been following. If there was a small flag out before, the wind was making that flag much bigger and obvious now.

She glanced down at her watch again, and felt the beginning prickles of caution spread over her skin. Morrison was no where to be found and any other contact that was supposed to find her was now eight minutes late. Every sensory and siren in her head was beginning to tell her to abort her mission, the words of caution Alex gave her repeating in her mind.

She didn't remember thinking about getting her phone or making the decision to call in the situation before she had the small cell in her hand and dialed.

"I think I've been compromised. Morrison missed our meet and I think I've been spotted. I need a safe house," her words were rushed out before she even heard any indication that the line was connected.

"A safe house is being found now. Just get out of there as calmly as you can. Even if Morrison's situation has been outed, there's no reason to believe your identity or allegiance has been compromised. Get onto the street and head north. I'll send you coordinates as soon as I can."

Jamie was ready to turn for the nearest major street as soon as the line disconnected. Her fast feet started before her line of sight did, heading backward. She was just turning in the direction she had been instructed when something caught her foot. Being well trained and always prepared she didn't need a moment to gather herself. The exact instant her foot caught and her body began to fall, her entire body reacted, arms stretching out, joints bracing themselves, head turning in, hands out to catch her fall. Her entire body collided almost instantly with thin and outstretched metal, the structure twisting and bending under her small body as she collided with the fall in one tangled heap.

"Shit," her voice rang out without even intending to as she surveyed her situation.

"What the fuck!" A sharp voice rang out that moment. Jamie was quickly to look up in the direction of the voice just as a tall mid-twenties ran ran over in her direction.

"Fuck," he spoke out angrily as she pulled herself out of the mess. He didn't hesitate to extend a hand out to offer her help up but she ignored the gesture all together.

"I told those bloody bastards this was a bad idea to set up the cameras so early," Jamie could hear the voice as if it was distant, her attention more focused on her line of sight as she searched around for any indication of foul play.

"My supervisor's goin' to be mad as a cut snake," the young man muttered out quickly and loudly as he surveyed the damage. Finally confident that she hadn't attracted any unwanted attention to herself, Jamie turned towards the man and felt herself slow to a pause.

The man couldn't be more than 25 to 27 years old, his medium to light brown hair competing with a gloriously authentic tan that seemed to make his lighter brown eyes stand out like something Jamie didn't think _brown eyes_ could do. What made the young woman stop in her tracks and stare however was not the color of the young man's eyes, but the focus in them, the bewildered expression on his handsome face, and the complete lack of movement as he stared almost frozen in his position.

He was staring _at her_, and for a single and first moment in her life, Jamie Anderson forgot to breathe.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hello my little ducklings! I am so sorry. I wanted to update this earlier.

I've just literally been too tired. Who knew working with toddlers all day could be so exhausting? (that is sarcasm...and I do love working in preschool.)

Anywhos, since I wasn't expecting even _one review, the moment I got my second review I knew I needed to pick up the pace and get the next chapter out. _

_As always, reviews make excellent inspiration and motivation. Let me know if you like Jamie and Ben and what elements of Jamie's parents you see in her. ;)_

_Lots of Love,_

_- Liz_


	3. How They Fell in Love

**.**

**How They Fell in Love**

* * *

By the time she was 8, Jamie Elizabeth Anderson thought she knew what a _crush_ was and thought she had a _crush_ on the blue-eyed blonde from her third-grade class. By the time she was 12, she thought she had a boyfriend who said nice things to her and held her hand. By the time she was 16 she thought she knew what _being in love _was and thought she was _in love_ with her boyfriend. By the time she was in college and pinning for an invitation to the farm, she'd thought she had finally figured it all out: love was a myth, no matter how well her parents played it off. The kind of crazy chemistry _love_ young girls saw in movies was nothing more than a fairytale. After all, her parents acted a lot more like partners than a lovey dovey couple.

Jamie smiled wide and felt a warm and bubbly laugh in her lungs waiting to make another reappearance. "So are you a photographer, or do you work for a photographer?"

"I'm a freelance photographer who makes most of his paychecks from small companies that hire me and one of the people who plan the festival hired me to photograph some bands that are playing tomorrow. Today I was setting up tripods I'll use tomorrow." The two had somehow migrated over to a bar over the past few hours and were now happily nursing their second and third beers. "You know," he smiled, lifting his beer for another drink. "Like the one you toppled."

Jamie let out an over exaggerated sound of desperation and Ben laughed out in a way that sounded almost sweet to her ears. "I am so sorry about that," she said again, only partially serious knowing full well he was teasing her and she was more than happy to play along. "I am usually a lot more graceful with my footing."

"Ah, no worries," his smile was sincere. "What do you do?"

She perked right up. "I'm a flight attendant for a private airline." She watched him closely for a moment for any indication that the cover wasn't holding. "What about your family?"

He took another swig of his beer before speaking. "Mother, father died when I was a tot, three sisters, all older than me, one nephew and another on the way." Jamie was trying not to stare at his lips as he spoke but when the Australian native met eyes with her she knew she'd been caught. "And you?" he asked after a moment of heated silence.

"Well," she contemplated for a moment how much to share. She didn't have any reason to believe this young and handsome man was a threat to her. If she were lucky, he would spend one good night with this man and 24 hours from be somewhere in the middle of the ocean and never see that glorious body or hear that magnificent accent ever again. "Mom and dad both still alive and together, dad's blind, one older brother, a sister-in-law and two nieces and a nephew." Jamie watched him to see if he'd comment or question any of the information she'd just given him but he just nodded in acceptance.

"So, _Ben,_" Jamie started much more quietly after a pause in their more questioning conversation. "Do you get girls to trip over your equipment…" the young woman regretted the words the instant she said them and a smirk lit up the young man's face. "...as a way of picking up dates often?"

He smiled again and Jamie felt the strangest sensation of swelling in her lungs. "I never said this was a date?" There was a twinkle in his eye. "Do you tell every poor man you trip over that you're a flight attendant so they don't come looking for you when you disappear the next day?"

She smiled but there was a pause in her train of thought. "Who told you I wasn't really a flight attendant?" The look in his eyes was unmistakable. Part of the young woman wanted to laugh that he had called her out on her bluff, but the other part of her felt her muscles stiffen.

"Well I've traveled once or twice and I never heard of an airline who doesn't put their young and beautiful attendants up in hotels," there was that damn twinkle again. "Especially in such a fantastic city."

She wanted to blush when the compliment slid so smoothly into his conversation but resisted the urge.

"I told you," she tried to keep up the charade. "I like to explore on my own." He eyed her suspiciously but the young operative was skilled at these games and never gave him even the faintest reason to not believe her lie. She was surprised at how easily he caught her bluff but even more so by the way she didn't feel any threat from him. In fact, she didn't feel any kind of pressure from him at all, and there was something undeniably natural and comfortable in their conversation. While borderline interrogative, their conversation was progressing so smoothly it was like she was sitting with Alex at a bar after a day at work.

"Ok," he started finally after she didn't waver. "I can pretend I believe you. Ever been married?"

She almost choked mid-swallow. "Married? Hell no. I'm not really a fan of the whole institution of long term relationships."

He made a face but didn't comment.

"You?" She returned the unexpected question. "Is there a Mrs. Ryan somewhere I should be dodging?"

"Not yet." He answered without hesitation. "But I _am_ a fan of the idea." He was quiet for a moment. "Would it bother you if I asked why you don't like relationships?" With that the entire tone of the conversation took a sudden shift. It was as if the room went down by ten degrees. Jamie kept up her facade, her face never faltering, eye contact never braking as she simply slowly shrugged.

"In my experience relationships just make things much more complicated." His eyes were focused on her, and unlike her stationary expression, his entire body language _did_ change.

"You don't believe in love?" It wasn't a question and for a moment the small sentence caught the young woman by such surprise, she finally dropped her eyes.

"I haven't had a relationship that ever made me want to believe in love," she finally stated. "In my experience, sex is much easier. It's fun and there's no strings attached and no need to worry about a man trying to change me into something I'm not after he gets fed up with my rules."

There was a silence then. The room kept on chattering, a mix of dialects and the rare foreign accent continuing on unaware of the cold chill that loomed over the table. Neither of the pair wanted to be the first to break the uncomfortable turn their conversation had taken and neither daring to look at the other for fear of what their eyes would reveal. In her pocket, Jamie's phone began to buzz but she only glanced at the message on the dimly lit screen for a second.

"I think I've overstayed my welcome," Ben finally spoke up as he started to stand. Something inside Jamie's chest pulled at her t stop him, to tell him to stay and not leave her so early. Despite the fact that when she had suggested they go out for drinks she had intended for them to end up in some bedsides that night, there was something else that made her want to call him back. But she didn't. Jamie Anderson watched as the handsome Benjamin Ryan stood, paid his bill, and after a gentlemanly goodbye, made his way out the door and into the street. She watched him leave and she felt the strangest ache deep in her chest she hadn't felt in a very long while.

Her phone buzzed again, and this time she answered.

"Where the hell are you?" His rough voice battered her ears. "I've been sitting here waiting for confirmation that you made it to the safe house and you won't even answer a text or call?"

"Sorry," she started low but he didn't let her get farther.

"Do you have any fucking idea what hour it is here? The hell, Jamie, I have a wife at home who is eight months pregnant and I can't be with her because I'm waiting to make sure you're safe or if I have to send out someone to come get you."

She did something spontaneously then.

"Hey Alex," finally he stopped his angry and fuming rant. She knew by the biting tone of his voice that he was angry and horribly sleep deprived. "I'm fine. Go home. I have something I need to do for myself. See if we can get another meet with Morrison and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Ben!" He turned as soon as his name was called and when he saw her coming his way the unmistakable smile spread his handsome face.

"Something the matter?"

"I…" She opened her mouth to say something, but as she stared at his warm eyes and felt a blush warm her face the words sank down into her toes. He smiled at her, clearly feeling her distress and an anxious laugh escaped her mouth. "I'm sorry," she finally confessed. "I don't usually meet the kind of guys who ask about love and relationships before we even have a first date."

His smile brightened further and she felt her breath swell in her lungs. "Does this mean you're asking me on a date?"

Her smile was unmistakable. "If I were, could it be tonight? I do actually have to leave sometime within the next day or two."

He hesitated in an exaggerated display of thinking for a moment. "That all depends."

She resisted frowning. "Depends on what exactly?"

_"I_ _have a lot of strings."_

* * *

.

**Five weeks later...**

She felt the unmistakable urge to whistle. Every time she thought of those three long days she spent down under, all she could do was smile so wide her skin almost ached from the stretch and she tried to do whatever she could from giggling out loudly from the fluttering in her gut. It was such a strange and freakishly foreign sensation to the young woman, but it was exciting, energizing, exhilarating and she was absolutely, positively, without a doubt _loving every single moment of it._

She'd been restless the entire way there. The 23 hours it took her to fly in two planes from D.C. to her final destination should have been long, hard, and tiring, but there was an intense energy radiating in her that made her want to smile the entire duration of her trip.

_Three weeks._ She was going to get three long and luxurious weeks carefree in the land _down under_ with a man she couldn't ever find enough words to describe properly.

She knew it was reckless, and she knew too well this had a higher than average possibility of ending really bad for both parties involved, but somehow just thinking about that man she met five weeks ago and spent three hot days with made everything else just seem a little less important. The moment she knew she had an opportunity to take vacation time she booked the fastest flight to Australia she could before she even remembered to tell her superiors she was going overseas for three weeks. _Three weeks with Ben._

She thought about the smooth and warm silkiness of his lips against hers the entire flight back. She reminisced over the feel of his skin and the way his muscles stretched and flexed over her as they rolled between positions in bed. She daydreamed of the sound of his moans and groans, pants and soft whimpers of adoration and sensual compliments the entire trek through the airport. Her mind swarmed with the way her body reacted to his, the way it felt, the way it warmed and the way she came for him so effortlessly like they were biologically made for one another as she passed through customs.

She was completely absorbed in every single memory she had of him, and she could barely give her surroundings enough attention as she focused on the idea of all the memories she was going to make in the next _three weeks with Ben._

Her legs fidgeted the entire slow progression down the escalator, bright brown eyes scanning frantically through crowd for that one person who had plagued his mind like no one else ever could. Her heart was pounding, ears buzzing, blood simmering in her veins_...she _couldn't wait.

Suddenly her eyes caught the light brown of that too familiar head and that tall bronzed body she knew so well holding a sign with just a simple heart on it and waiting for _her._

_"Ben!" _The instant she caught sight of him his name was shouted into the air like a proclamation of love, and almost instantly the tall man spun in his spot and upon finally connecting eyes with the petite woman, his entire face lit up with an unmistakable glow. Jamie didn't even think as she dashed through the crowd of arrivals all, bumping roughly through the crowd, dodging elbows and luggage, her attention fully focused on the beautiful man in front of her. Ben lowered the sign he had prepared and opened his arms, and not a second later the small brunette crashed powerfully into his arms.

"I thought you'd never..." He was halfway through his sentence when she crashed her lips into his. She melted all the emotion she had into the kiss and he was more than

"I missed you too," he chuckled while their lips still lingered against each other. Jamie let out a warm and happy laugh just before he pulled her back into him for another kiss, this time much softer and sweeter than before and when they finally parted from that kiss they were both so absorbed in each other there was a moment of hesitation and silence in which they both kept their eyes closed feeling the other's breath mix with their own, lips brushing just barely against each other as the took long and heavy breaths. It was like moment in a movie when everything around the main couple disappears; the world stops spinning for a moment, the people around them stop in their tracks like frozen dancers*, and everything went mute except for _him_ and _her._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hello again lovelies! First of all, I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who's been reviewing. I know that this fic barely even fits into a fanfiction and original characters are _really _hard to get taken seriously, so it really means a whole lot to me that anyone at all is reading about Jamie and Ben. (And even more so that you see glimpses and Annie and Auggie in there. The whole opening scene to chapter 2 just made me think of when Auggie went to Istanbul for that Jazz episode and got the flight attendant to basically being his eyes the whole time.)

Brief note: I'm doing some rearranging of chapter titles but not the actual titles so forgive the conflicting titles for right now. Also, sorry about flipping back and fourth between rating this T and M. Some people said its a high T rating, some said it should be M, who knows? I'll end up staying with M for safe keeping.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this bit here. Basically the whole focus of this chapter was how they fell in love. The next chapter may have one or two twists in the so far happy story.

Leave me love!

- Liz


	4. How it All Fell Apart

**Author's warning:**_ as the title would suggest,  
this chapter comes with some darker themes._

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**How it All Fell Apart**

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His breath was heavy, his warm skin sticky and salty under a thin drying layer of sweat. Jamie smiled as she tried to catch her breath and couldn't help but let out a tired laugh as she rested her head against his chest. There was a bubbling in her stomach that despite being slightly nauseating left her feeling completely and blissfully sated.

"I want to change what I said earlier," Ben's raspy voice spoke between breaths. His heart was racing, pounding a heavy rhythm in his chest like some harsh song she loved the beat of. "I missed the sex too."

The laugh that came out of Jamie's mouth was loud and obvious of her amusement. "Well maybe I can miss my flight and just stay here till someone comes to get me. Give me some food and sleep in between and I have no objections to staying in bed with you until that happens."

"Oh, don't tease me," he groaned playfully. With that he groaned loudly and took the opportunity to roll the pair over with a laugh erupting from the beautiful girl now under him. Ben held his weight up by his arms on either side of her small shoulders and smiled at her. There was a moment of quiet then. Jamie's eyes searched his warm brown ones for the thoughts swirling in his mind, but what she saw in them made her lungs heavy in his chest and air catch in her throat.

"Don't leave me." His voice was much softer than he had anticipated.

His eyes were steady on hers, a warmth and strength radiating from them in a way that made her skin swarm with goosebumps. She knew there were words hiding behind them, waiting to come out, telling his brain to speak up and unleash them but he didn't. His eyes darted down to her lips for a second and she swallowed as her eyes started to flutter close before his warm sweet lips met hers again in a way so full of warmth and promise and hope and oh so different than the hot and sexually driven hungry kisses from before.

The kiss was soft, his lips just the right pressure against hers, the taste of his breath swimming in her mouth as she tasted him, and when they finally parted, there was so much sweetness and emotion in the kiss, she felt like was she was weightless in his arms. They hovered, lips just barely grazing each others as they breathed, eyes never opening for fear of ending the moment.

"I love you," the worlds finally slipped off his tongue in a whisper after begging to be released for so long.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Jamie trusted herself to open her eyes and what she found in Ben's warmer browns made it hard for her to breathe. His eyes were searching heres, watching her for any form of reply. A shiver ran over the smaller woman's body, the sensation foreign and unnerving and completely unwelcome.

She swallowed again, feeling her throat sudden sticky and dry. She opened her mouth to say something, anything against such a bombshell the handsome man on top of her had just dropped, but no words or sounds came out of her mouth.

"You don't have to say it back." His eyes were soft and sincere, and it made a violent twist in her stomach she hadn't been expecting. "I just wanted to tell you." He watched her for only a second more, and when the apparent fear in her eyes stayed strong he let himself roll back over to the other side of the bed.

His eyes watched the ceiling silently. Half of him expected the woman beside him to run away like she often felt the impulse to do so when any serious conversation arose, and the other half wished she'd something reassuring back. Neither happened.

Stunned and feeling suddenly swarmed with thoughts, Jamie lay still in her same position, processing.

_You don't believe in love? _He had asked her that very question the first night they met. She thought they had made an agreement. She knew he wasn't the kind of man who wanted a string of booty calls with her. She knew he wanted more, but she figured a whirlwind romance would give him a little bit of attachment and her the fun and adventure she craved. She never wanted a relationship. Relationships and the CIA didn't mix. _Foreign_ relationships and the CIA especially didn't mix.

_Was she in a relationship?_ The information plummeted into her gut like a ton of bricks. They were a 22-hour-flight apart and when they called each other, they weren't just in different time zones, they were in different days of the week. She couldn't be getting into this _now._

Beside the young woman, Ben was silent and still. No matter the length of time he starred at the popcorn above him, it didn't help the muddling thoughts in his head. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling like the entire world had stuffed itself into a lump in his throat he couldn't swallow.

She felt acid bubbling in her stomach, a wave of intense nausea swelling in her gut, but she swallowed it back, almost tasting the rancid taste of vomit in her mouth. _Relationships just make things complicated._ She didn't want _a relationship_. She wasn't _Alex_ with the suburban house, the wife, the dog, and the 2.5 kids in the making. She was _Jamie Anderson_, a covert operative for the CIA. The thoughts held a war in her head between what she had always assumed was her better judgement and what she was feeling now.

_I don't want love_, she told herself as she finally tried to turn to her side to face him. When her eyes caught him staring at the ceiling, so many obvious emotions filtering through his expression, she felt something change. She traced his profile with her eyes, the edges of that unruly head twisting and partially curling in every direction, illuminated by the light of the windows behind her. His forehead, with eyebrows brought in slightly, indicative of his inner thoughts. The dip of the bridge of his nose, soft eyelashes bordering it and blinking every few moments. She knew he was waiting for her; knew she was watching him in an attempt to distract herself. Her eyes made it over the curve of his nose and onto the first swell of his warm and sweet lips and she felt another shiver race down and across her skin.

* * *

**2 weeks…**

There was a dark grey cloud looming in the distance, the boom of thunder shaking the earth gently at first and more violently as the storm neared. It did not matter much, however. The sun could have been shining, the flowers blooming, the birds singing and the clouds white and fluffy like creamy wisps in the pale, blue, sky. None of it would have mattered; she wouldn't have noticed it.

Dark greying eyes stood still and vacant. Her skin was cold but she didn't move to cover herself. Her throat was dry, but she made no attempt to get something to sooth it. Her eyes felt itchy, watery, sticky and dry all at the same time, but she blinked as if she was numb to it all because she was.

_You don't believe in love?_

The words echoed in her head like the thunder outside her D.C. apartment. There was a physical, painful, unbearable ache in her chest that grew and spread and made everything else seem so miniscule in comparison, she was numb to it all.

_You don't believe in love?_

She didn't. She never really felt like she had. Who was she to try and believe in something so frivolous? Were little girls supposed to learn about love through their fairy tales of princesses falling in love with princes? Maybe that was the problem - she never was much into those. She was a covert operative now. She had _always_ been set on becoming everything she was today and getting there as fast as humanly possible. Relationships were dangerous. She had stories and physical proof to show as much.

_You don't believe in love?_

Except then she _did._

There was a slip of something warm down her face but she didn't register the foreign sensation.

Everything had seemed so blissful for some time. She spent three steamy days in and out and around a bed with him. She had spent the next five weeks counting down every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every single day that passed until she could see him again. She dreamt of those warm eyes. She fantasized of those lips of his and the taste of them. She could almost feel the warmth of his skin as he touched her and held her. She remembered the sound of his heart beat when she would lay against his chest, sweaty and sticky waiting for sleep to overcome them. Then he had told her _he loved her._

She felt a strangled gasp escaping her throat, choking the air escaping her lungs and making her eyes burn harshly. She finally moved, slowly standing from her reclined position, the achy, sore muscles protesting after being forced in the same position. Her feet were near silent as she slowly stepped away from the only window in the room and towards her small kitchen area.

A thin sheet of dust coated the tiny apartment and swirled in the air but she made no note of it. She felt a sudden ache deep in her gut and paused for a moment clinging at the phantomous pain. _Why had this all happened? Why did she have to ruin it?_

With a heavy sob that was finally freed from behind the deep barrier she had built up, she crumbled. Her shaky legs carried her towards the cabinets that rested half empty, her eyes now running like the raindrops against her window.

She had him. It would have been so easy to keep him there, to tell him everything early on and let him in to stay. Her shaky hands found the tall glass bottle and pulled it carefully out of its hiding space.

He had told her he loved her and even if it took a while to register the full weight of such a statement, _she had._ She _had_ accepted it and for the first and only time in her life could have easily said it back.

But then it all crumbled.

She felt a brief splash as the liquor ran over the rim of the small glass. She barely even remembered it; it was all such a blur.

_The car and the look in his eyes just before it all went black._

_The voices and sounds of a hospital in and out of focus._

_All the blood where it shouldn't have been._

She tried to steady her hand, her eyes badly focused on the small glass in her fingers as the tears fell freely now, numb like most of the rest of her small body.

One minute she was happy and with Ben, daydreaming in bed, kissing him, making love to him, listening to him speak. The next she was in the hospital, telling him everything, waiting for him to walk away and leave her.

With that thought, she swiftly pulled her arm back and in one swift movement swallowed down the first shot as it burned down her throat.

She had not even known she was pregnant until she wasn't any longer. She then told him everything she was and waited for him to walk away, and when he stayed she left _him._ The worst part of all wasn't losing the pregnancy she didn't know she had in the first place, but losing the only man she wanted because she purposely pushed him away in fear.

With a much steadier hand, she poured herself another, and waited for it all to be numbed away again.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I am so sorry. For both taking so long to post this, and for this being so absolutely torturous. If you read the _"Jamie's Rules"_ one-shot from **_"Time Frame,"_** then you probably knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Either way, this was rough and I had a hell of a time figuring out how to go about breaking up such a beautiful pair as Jamie and Ben. I wrote about 8,000 words total in all my different variations of endings to this chapter before I finally settled on something semi decent. (And I was going to cut out the beginning of this chapter but it was just so cute to me it killed me not to post it.)

Even though I tortured you all now, I hope you still love me enough to leave some love.

- Liz

* * *

Clearing up a few things, I need to make a note on the timeline of this whole fic:

Chapter 1 is the _**present time**_. Everything after chapter 1 is in the **_past_**. That means if you don't see a "2 weeks later" or any other marker of time, consider it as it being a scene immediately occurring after whatever the previous chapter just left off on. In other words, ch 4 started off as probably being that same day Ben picked Jamie up at the airport at the end of ch 3 (which is 5 weeks after she met Ben initially.) The end of ch 4 would be two weeks later. Everything she's remembering in the end of chapter 4 happened within those two weeks. As you are probably wondering, I kind of glazed over it because **1.**) _I couldn't get it written out to save my life_, and **2.)** _since this is all basically Jamie retelling how she ended up at the point where chapter 1 started, I figured she wouldn't want to dwell on the details much_.

If you have any questions, please don't ever hesitate to ask! =) I don't bite, I promise! (unless you're into that sort of thing in which case I should lead you towards my really old and eternally unfinished vampire diaries fanfiction. ;)


	5. Chapter 4 Revision

**Author's Note:**

Before you read, be aware that this is NOT the next chapter but actually a revise of Chapter 4 or "How it All Fell Apart". After some confusion and questions I decided to finish something I had initially written and ended up scrapping (like so many other snippets) and post it here for whoever wanted to read it.

You do not need to read it to understand anything in [articular, this just fills in how Jamie and Ben split up. If you _DO_ read it then keep in mind that this would have happened **_after_** the first half of chapter 4 and **_before _**the second half of chapter 4. (in other words, where you saw the cut in that chapter.)

I may even decide one day to replace the original ending of chapter 4 with this one, so feedback is always appreciated.

As always, leave me love.

-Liz

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**"How it All Fell Apart.2" revised:**

* * *

There was a medley of noises outside the open doorway; voices all blended together, the rolling of wheels fading in and out, the beeps and hums of machinery synchronizing like an alien musical instrument. She didn't hear any of it though, not at this moment.

_Miscarriage. _

The last thing she had remembered clearly was being in the car with Ben, the windows down and the air whipping harshly in the vehicle. She was laughing at something he said, their hands intertwined at the middle console between them. He had glanced in her direction for just a second, his warm eyes smiling at her for just one moment in time before they suddenly went wide, his whole face changed instantly and then the world went black. All she remembered after that was being pulled into a hospital and blood...a lot of blood in an area it shouldn't be.

_She didn't even know she was pregnant._

"Jamie?" She barely heard the voice the first two times, but by the third her name registered and she finally turned her attention to the man at her bedside. Ben had a bandage down his forearm, some visible scrapes and bruises but overall looked physically unscathed. The look in his eyes however, was a vastly different story.

"Jamie?" He asked again and finally her eyes snapped onto his. He opened his mouth to say something but after a minute of being unable to form adequate words, he closed again.

"I'm going to be picked up and sent home in the next few days," her words all escaped in a low and shallow jumble before she could even process the thoughts that prompted them.

She watched Ben's face closer and it visibly changed for the worse. "You're leaving?" his voice was broken like a board split down the middle.

Her only answer was silence. She looked away again, the weight of his eyes to heavy for her, a dull ache emerging deep in her chest at the look in his warm eyes, but he wasn't going to let the conversation end so prematurely.

"What's your real story, Jamie?" She didn't answer him, but when the silence grew too long he pulled one of her hands into both of his just so he could feel her closer to him.

"You're not really a _'business'_ woman, are you?" When her eyes finally snapped back towards him there was a deeper, colder darkness there that made a lump form in his throat that he struggled to swallow. A nurse walked in then, a clipboard in hand and an overzealous smile on her older face. The nurse said a few words to the younger woman, asked a question or two and gave her some suggestions before finally finding her way back out of the room, this time closing the door quietly behind her. Jamie however, remained silent.

"Please, Jamie," Ben's voice was so small and low it was barely recognizable.

"If I read you in, everything changes from this point on. You will be under oath not to repeat what I tell you and to keep up any appearances I tell you to keep up." She searched his eyes for something, for some indication that he was being warded off or that her words were making him uneasy. Instead he watched her with an ever-stronger look on his face, waiting for her to continue. "I'm a covert operative for the CIA working global affairs."

His eyebrow raised and his eyes grew but he remained silent, his warm hold on her hands never releasing.

"When I met you I was trying to make contact with someone who could potentially get me towards some very important and dangerous people. I thought I saw him running though and thought my cover was blown when I tripped over your stuff and then met you." She watched Ben closely as he let out a slow and steady breath between blinks. "I usually use the cover of a businesswoman because it's harder to follow up on and easier to keep the details vague."

"And the flight attendant trick?"

She swallowed. "Usually just to impress guys into taking me home with them. My real cover is the businesswoman I told you I was."

He closed his eyes slowly, and there was a look that spread across his face that mirrored pain she couldn't pinpoint. The breath in his lungs was shaky falling out of his nose, but he didn't look at her, his eyes staying closed like it was the only thing he could do to keep it all together.

A silence fell over the room like a dense fog, clouding everything that existed outside of that small room and creating a strange tension that thickened by the minute. They both sat still, her eyes steady, his remaining closed, the only sign that he hadn't drifted off being the slow rise and fall of his chest and the soft circles his thumb made on the back of her hand.

"I had a miscarriage." The words emerged before she even thought them, and his reaction was so instantaneous, it made even harder to speak. The look in his eyes boring into hers was something she had never seen before and it made her grow so cold, she instinctively pulled her hands back from his to get away from the source of such torture.

"You were pregnant?" his voice was miniscule and watery. "With…?" he couldn't bring himself to finish the question, but the subtlest nod from Jamie answered the question. "How?" he choked on the word.

"How does it ever happen?" Watery barriers formed at the rim of her accusatory eyes. "It was an accident. I trusted you because after three days in and out of bed with you I figured I _could_ trust I wouldn't bring some disease home with me and instead I brought something much more significant."

"I'm not blaming you," he started but her voice was rising.

"Really?" the accusation in her voice was more than evident. "Because I was the one who insisted it would be fine. You didn't want to, you were so much more responsible than me and it was just such a foreign situation for me and it was stupid. I'm not a relationship kind of girl. I have a string of one night stands because they are so much easier and I never have to see the guys again after I leave, and her you are, like some tantalizing candy in front of me and of course, with my horrible luck, you're..._you._"

"What in hell are you talking about?'"

Her nose was stuffy, the warm wetness of tears sliding smoothly down her soft skin. "You!" Her eyes were burning, her voice almost shouting. "You are everything that I should be avoiding. I'm the wild one, the adventurous one, I have a concealed weapon on me at almost every hour of the day, I can tell you about a hundred ways to get away with murder and I've gambled with more dangers than even the most creative mind can imagine. I'm _invisible._ If you see me, its only once. My entire apartment's belongings can fit into a box, you will never find pictures of me that I didn't plant, and I have 24-hour web surveillance on my name, my covers, and my photo." He was watching her now, his mouth slightly ajar, eyes pleading with her, the pained look on his face. "And you," she had to swallow back the emotion in her voice. "You're this warm spirit, this creative and refreshingly optimistic and kind, and _moral _guy who _is _looking for a relationship. You _are_ the suburban guy. You want to have love, you want to make a web in your life, to bring it all together, to have this future I run away from and every time I think about it I just feel like I tricked you into being with me."

"I'm ok with what you do, Jamie. You didn't trick me into anything."

"No, but I did," she said quickly. "I tricked you by giving you the impression that what we were doing _could _become something more. I tricked you into thinking it wasn't just sex, that their was something between us that their wasn't. I'm not the girl you need. You should be with a nice girl who will love you, who will marry you one day and give you babies, and buy a house with you, and come home from work everyday ready to share how good or bad her day was with you and take photos with you that you can share with friends and be there for you the way you want to be there for her. That is not me."

There was a pleading look on his face, his eyes begging her something silently. "_Why are you doing this?"_ He whispered to her.

A deep, dull ache started deep in her chest, but she paid it no attention. "I'm going home Ben because I should have never came here in the first place."


	6. How The Reunited

**How They Reunited**

**_Over 3 years later…_**

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"Anderson!" A booming voice thundered out with the loud thud of a sliding cell door. "You're free to go."

Her buzz was wearing off, the horrible nausea in the pit of her stomach growing steadily with the immense pounding deep in her skull. The floor was beginning to slow the spinning that left her stumbling most of the night, but when she looked up at the open door she was certain it wasn't any alcohol induced delusion.

"Save it," his terse voice bit harshly before she had the opportunity to open her mouth. There was a fire in his eyes she hadn't noticed before, and even if her perceptions and state of mind were off, she knew full well it wasn't a look to be trifled with. Lifting herself less than gracefully and stumbling slightly out of the large cage, Alex Michaels forcefully grabbed her arm the moment she was close enough and did everything in his strength to resist throwing her out of the room in anger as he pulled her out of the precinct without so much as another word.

"Alex, I…"

"Don't even start," his bark with rough, the metaphorical fumes billowing out of those burning eyes. He was angry, that was undeniable, and she was to blame. She didn't say anything else as she silently climbed into the passenger side of his car and for the remainder of the short drive to her apartment, only the sounds of the city kept her mumbling mind company.

"I'm sorry," she tried to declare once the pair had finally made it up the stirs and into her tiny apartment. The door slammed thunderously behind them with a vibrating boom.

"_Don't,_ even try and tell me you're _sorry._" She made the mistake of catching his eyes, but under the pressure that they bore into her she quickly looked away like a guilty child being reprimanded.

"Do you have any idea what mess you've made?" It was hard to imagine his voice rising higher than it already had. "You assaulted a man! In the middle of a bar when you were so pissed off your ass, you couldn't even make your one call."

She tried to open her mouth to apologize but he beat her to it.

"Don't you _dare_ try and tell me you're _sorry._ The amount of shit I've had to pull to get you out of trouble with blowing your cover, get drunk in the middle of an op, getting into car accidents we all know you were anything but sober for, and now assaulting a man for what? Whistling?" If looks could kill the younger operative would have burst into flames then and there. "What the fuck has gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry!" She finally yelled out before he had a chance to scream at her again.

"Sorry?" He made the sound of a sarcastic and strangled laugh. "Oh good, I've saved your ass more times in the past three years than most handlers have to deal with in a lifetime, but no matter, because you're _sorry."_

There was a pressure building in her head and increasing with every word out of the angry man's mouth, but she didn't dare look at him now.

"You know what Jamie," his voice was much lower now. "I'm done. I tried to help you, I tried to get you help, and I've covered for you so many times that the agency could lock us both up for the rest of our lives if they knew about it. You're officially on two weeks of leave and when you come back be ready to break in a new handler because I'm done here."

The news pummeled into her so unexpectedly it was as if the air was pulled straight out of her lungs. "What?" she just barely managed to croak.

"I was offered a job a few weeks ago in a different department." Finally, Jamie's pleading eyes looked up and met with his. What she found in the man's gaze however caused an entirely different wave of pain coursing through her body. "I tried to help you Jamie. I tried to get you help, I made appointments for you to meet with a therapist and I covered for you even when you had no idea they were watching, but I can't let myself drown in this with you."

There was silence then. Their eyes stared, unblinking; searching into one another's for any sign of change, but it never came. The longer Jamie stared at her once friend's eyes, the more she realized how much they had changed to her. There came a moment then, a moment in which realization dawned on her and she knew things were permanently changed.

Without another word, Alex finally turned away. It took four long strides to reach the door, and without so much as a syllable, he opened her door and crossed over the threshold.

"You should know," he spoke up unexpectedly before he closed the door behind him. "That there are eyes on you."

Her eyes snapped up to his at the unexpected words.

"If you don't change Jamie, don't expect to stay employed for long." With that he disappeared behind the door and with one small echo throughout the apartment, she was left alone.

* * *

In the few weeks after the fall out, time seemed to blur. There were days that seemed like weeks, and hours that seemed like seconds. One moment try sped by so fast she almost forgot to breathe, and other times it was so slow she felt like it was standing still. She thought the first day in the office without the most familiar face nearby would be the worst, and it did feel like it at the time. Walking through those doors the first day, not yet entirely believing his last warning and seeing his office vacant and in boxes was rough. Walking through those doors after a week was strange, that empty feeling like something vital was missing ever present. After two, then three, and then four weeks it settled into a strange dull ache, and like everything else, life moved on.

She made the sound of annoyance as she stepped out of the cool, white building and onto the street.

_"Desk duty my ass," _she muttered angrily to herself. Her therapist was recommending her be put on desk duty, attend therapy twice a week for the next few months and avoid any and all alcohol until all other issues were cured._ Bullshit._ What she needed was to get back to her missions, and lose herself in her work. That was what she was good at and she was convinced that was all she needed. She was not denying that in the past few years she had slipped and slid herself into too many problems. What she was denying was that _desk duty_ was supposed to be the solution.

"Jamie?" She looked up at the sound of her name and froze. In her chest her heartbeat quickened. In her veins her blood raced. The world suddenly went silent and still like a movie in slow motion and just for a second, she forgot to breathe.

He was almost exactly as she had remembered. His half-curled hair that same golden medium brown, his eyes still the warmer, clearer shade, his skin still bronzed and sun kissed, and _it was him._

Both were silent as Ben took a step forward and closer to her, his eyes remaining open, unblinking as if he were afraid she would vanish into thin air. He looked tired, his eyes a little sunken in and shadowed even as they stared so wide-eyed at her. Another step and his brows came closer together, a look of disbelief starting to emerge, a glint of something else hidden behind it. He took a third and final step closer when she finally pinpointed what was different. There was a look in his eyes, which despite being housed by a warm brown hue, made her cold inside. There was something in the rigidity of his face, the twitch of his brow that emanated a darker presence. What was worst of all was the something dark in his presence was much too familiar.

"What are you doing here?" It was the first words that managed to escape after several moments of silent tension.

He was slow in his response, taking the time to watch her every minute movement as if trying to read her before verbally responding to her question.

"I'm photographing a wedding." He answered so crisply and slowly as if the four words made everything about him traveling almost ten thousand miles across the world to this exact spot make perfect sense.

Jamie had to remind herself to breathe to remain conscious. In any other circumstance everything in her being would be flashing, shrieking and ringing off red alarms and bells. She didn't believe in coincidences much in her line of work, but in this instant she didn't even second-guess the situation.

Jamie wasn't certain where a conversation on the street metamorphosed into an invitation to her apartment, but the entire time frame from meeting Ben on the street to ending up bringing him back home with her was as fuzzy and unclear as a bad and half-forgotten memory. The tension in the air was thick as they rode silently in her car, out into her building and up the flight of stairs to her front door in silence it was almost suffocating. She counted each step she took to distract her racing mind and heart from the man silently following behind her. Her eyes scanned every smudge, crack, and imperfection in the paint of the walls as the turned one hall and then a second before reaching her door. She fumbled with the keys when they finally came to number 312 before she managed to jam them into her battered lock and push open the heavy door with a loud and ominous creak.

"Its really messy," she started absently as the door finally swung much more quietly closed behind the pair. The light streaming in through the single window in the main room of the apartment highlighted light clouds of dust swirling in the air as the pair stepped further into the room.

"You've seen my apartment." His counter was lightly spoken and even though she knew he'd said it for comparisons reason, it sent a shiver through her memories.

"Everything always had to be obsessively organized when I was a kid so I guess I finally took the freedom to be as disorganized when I moved out." Her small talk faded out as her eyes followed him slowly making his way through the small space of her main living area. He noticed her couch, pale blue and in need of a patch, the thin, worn fabric thin and fragile yet strangely inviting. He noticed the oddly assorted end tables and half empty shelf, corners dinged and dented, worn away from previous abuse. His eyes scanned the near vacant walls, devoid of any pictures, frames or photos and he frowned.

"Covert operatives aren't supposed keep too many photos of themselves." He nodded half absently but by the look in his eye she could see he really wasn't interested in her lack of decor.

"You don't know how strange it was for me to be torn over someone I didn't even have a photo of." The sound he made was almost a sad and sarcastic half laugh.

He stopped his slow pace in the middle of the room, his hands never leaving his pockets and Jamie couldn't help noticing how his tall form almost looked misplaced in the tiny room usually only occupied by an even tinier body. For a moment she thought about offering him a beer, but the memory of their first full conversation in a bar over a few beers brought back a bitter taste to her mouth that made her decide on something subtler. "How long are you staying here?"

"Four days." His reply was short and slow, almost sounding tired in response.

She made a face as she briefly pondered such long flights for such a short trip but didn't comment. Finally, he turned still silently back to her, his eyes watching her every movement but eyes not daring to meet his. There was an engorged moment of quiet where the only sounds in the room arose from the life outside that continued on despite the tension in the room.

"There's also a kitchen over there," she motioned to the corner more lightly, but by the way he was watching her it more than apparent that he wasn't looking for a tour of her sorry excuse for a kitchen. "Its not as nice as yours," she began adding before he cut her off.

"It fits you." He wasn't smiling but something in the tone of his voice seemed lighter.

She was quiet. They were three innocent words that somehow seemed so unbelievably intimate, and for a second Jamie made the mistake of meeting his gaze and their eyes locked. The look he had in his eyes made a chill run down her spine. There was something there, an emotion there that was something between deep and repressed longing and a simmering, burning pain that was festering like a rot in his heart. She wanted to turn away, to make her eyes look at something else for fear of the emotions that seemed to be seeping out of his stare and bury themselves into her bones.

"I've missed you," she blurted out the words so fast she didn't even have the time to second-guess herself. The exact instant her words were voiced, his eyes lit up in a way only to be described at hopeful, and before she had even a moment to think, he crossed the room in three long strides and did something three years ago she would never have expected the usually quiet and softly spoken man to do: without even given a chance to protest he pulled her into him roughly and smashed his mouth against hers in an almost aggressive way she would never have expected from such a soft-spoken man. The gasp was pulled right out of her mouth in a kiss that was so fiery it left her mind muddled and cloudy like the smoke coming of freshly rekindled embers. His big hands grasped her around her waist, his hold firm and almost rough as his fingers held her tighter against her. They stumbled back a step and her back pressed against the closest wall. Her hands grasped at him, clutching and pulling at the cotton of his shirt, anything to get him closer.

A loud gasp erupted from her throat as he let go for a moment to take a much-needed breath of air. "I missed you for _years,_" he groaned in her ear, his voice making her shiver at the power in it before his lips trailed down the side of her neck in hot, lingering kisses.

Her breath was ragged, heart racing in her chest, blood hot in her veins, she felt like she was going to suffocate in her own skin. As if on cue, Ben's hands immediately dropped to the hem of her shirt, hungry hands tugging at it, silently asking permission. Jamie didn't hesitate, her arms rising immediately so he could pull the loose cotton off her steaming skin. She groaned loudly at the loss of contact as he took the moment to throw off his own shirt, but her hungry hands roamed the smooth expanse of his warm skin the instant he was close enough to touch.

"I hope your tour includes a bedroom," his rough voice breathed in her ear as one hand slid down her waist and back and the other snaking up her rib cage until a finger fanning over a sensitive still-covered peak stirred a deep hiss from between her teeth. She had to swallow thickly at the panting air escaping her lungs. His hot lips trailed back up her neck just as he shifted his knee currently between her legs sending a shivering whimper through her body at the muted but heavenly friction it created.

_"Yes,"_ she whimpered. It was almost a plea, a million sensations and an unexpected flood of emotions coursing through her system. She protested when one of his hands separated from her skin to push them off the wall and stumbling backwards towards the door he could only assume was her bedroom.

"Please," the throaty whimper cried from her lips as they fumbled through the doorway and into her dark room. A moment later her knees roughly hit the back of her low mattress and before she could steady herself the pair tumbled onto the untidy sheets in a tangled heap.

_"Please,"_' the foreign word seeped out of her swollen lips once more like the name of a dangerous stranger that left her breathless.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hello my dearies! So first of all I want to tell you that I changed the ending of chapter 4, so if you didn't read the "revision" (which really is an entire rewrite of the second half of the chapter) you may want to do that.

Secondly, it wasn't much of a lemon but I hope you got some little spice out of the end. I always had the idea of this planned out since the beginning, but somewhere in writing these two original characters they took on a life of their own and then I got to this part where they reunite and I battled with the prospect that it may not be very well in character for them. (Particularly Ben. Jamie's a little more impulsive.) But I think I got it to work. Ben hasn't spoken much, but if it isn't clear yet it will be soon that he didn't just get over her and move on, he had some lingering effects from their harsh split too.

Okeydokey, I'm going to stop now. Auggie is _supposed _to come in next chapter or at the very least the one after that.

Leave me love,

- Liz


	7. Foundation

.

**Foundation**

**_some hours later…_**

* * *

Jamie Elizabeth Anderson was torn in more ways than one. For one, she was torn over the entire turn of events. Running into Ben was a surprise that caught even the young operative off guard, and now as she sat there across the room from a very tired and soundly sleeping Australian, she was torn between wanting to kiss that man again when he woke up, and wanting to inflict physical damage on herself for bringing him back to her apartment and even worse, her bed.

The sleeping man didn't even stir, his peaceful face hidden from her as he faced away, the slow rhythm of his breathing a soft song in her troubled ears. She wished she could get back in bed with him, slide in under the blankets and let his long arms hold her close. The thunderous storm going on in her head didn't let her though, and instead she felt a cold sensation pouring down in her gut.

What was wrong with her? She was Jamie Anderson, daughter to Annie Walker and Auggie Anderson, both well-known names among Langley walls. She was the daughter of _two_ spies. Her mother had survived more fights, kidnappings, tortures and gunshots than she cared to think about, and her father survived being permanently disabled in war. And she was what? Being brought down by her affection to one random stranger she met on one random day in one of the least eventful missions she had been sent on.

_She didn't understand._

She spent her entire life dreaming about being a spy. She wanted to be a superhero, to get the bad guys and go on adventures and rendezvous with men who would never take her seriously until they were too far gone.

Movement caught her eye and she instantly looked toward the direction of the movement just as the man in question began to stir out of his slumber. She watched him silently, momentarily distracted from her self-loathing as he made a strangled groan of disorientation, one of his hands rubbing harshly against his eyes as he made an obvious attempt to get his bearings.

"Jamie?" He called a moment later when his memories must have registered. He sat up abruptly, eyes searching for her form until he spotted her and let himself relax slightly. The green and white sheet pooled around his waist to reveal a well-formed physique that should have left her staring, but Jamie's turbulent thoughts preoccupied her concentration.

There was an exchange of time in which neither of them spoke, the silence in the small apartment only being replaced by the sounds of the city outside.

"What time is it?" Ben asked quietly after the silence becoming too uncomfortable for the pair. It was a quarter to five, the realization making the young visitor's eyes grow and his movements quicken as he made his way out of bed and fished for his clothes around the small bedroom. It was clear that the Australian native wasn't used to such long trips. From the looks of how he had just taken a three-hour nap and slept like the dead, Jamie would bet he probably hadn't had a moment of rest since he departed his home country well over 24 hours prior.

"I need to either go check in or get my stuff and check out." He spoke like it was some meaningless small talk, but the skilled young woman knew what he was asking between his words.

"You can stay." It was almost a whisper, her words too soft for someone like her, and he didn't miss the significance of it. He was quick to flee the space, collecting his very few belongings and redressing himself with haste, barely giving Jamie a chance to process everything as she vaguely lent him a key and he disappeared from her apartment to hail a cab and retrieve his belongings.

There was a dull throbbing in the corner of her skull and she massaged roughly at that as she finally got up and began to dress herself as well. She plucked a loose pair of shorts from the floor and cotton shirt from the inside of her disorganized closet when her phone went off. It was a message reminding her of her niece's birthday and subsequential dinner plans.

She groaned loudly as she eyed the microwave clock barely seen through the open bedroom door. Five-fifteen and she could probably pop in, see her family and be back before Ben arrived.

* * *

Her car squealed unpleasantly as it came to a stop in her brother's driveway. The suburban home was large and well managed, lights and sounds from indoors booming with life. Still, there was something pleasantly modest and especially private about the home. The young woman cut the engine to her noisy car, the lights dying instantly but she remained inside for a minute longer.

She didn't want to go inside. Growing up she had always listened to her parents' stories and wanted to be like them. Somehow that dream made her drift away however. Maybe it was the stories of how lonely their past lifestyle was, maybe it was all the rules she'd heard a hundred times over on the danger of relationships when you were a covert operative. Whatever the reason, she knew she rarely let her family into her life, even if she was always fairly certain her family had an uncanny ability to know what she was up to.

The slammed the car door loudly behind her, her footsteps crunching on the dry and cold grass as she made her way up to her brother's front door. Her car beeped loudly from being locked just as the front door opened revealing a very excited seven-year-old.

"Aunt Jamie!" She yelled excitedly as she grabbed her aunt's arm and pulled her inside. The house echoed with voices, even with just her immediate family, there were more than enough people in the house to make such a noise. The child pulled her through the house to the living and dining area where everyone was sitting and standing around.

Jamie was finally released from the child's grasp as her mother asked her a question and Jamie was given a chance to greet the remainder of the family. She was polite, passing pleasantries to her parents first, her father's arm always on her mother's elbow like she remembered from growing up, then her brother, his staggering height towering over her as always, her sister-in-law in all her bubbly spirit, and her nephew and youngest niece. She participated in a birthday song and declined a piece of cake. She gave her niece a gift, and smiled as she squealed with all her other presents. Small talk was vaguely exchanged, and finally after what felt like forever, she was given a chance to breathe. Finding an empty loveseat, the young woman let herself sink her body into the cushioned seats and with a sigh of relief, give her a brief moment of peace.

She watched the family interacting. The way they spoke and moved around each other was effortless like it was choreographed. She smiled at a joke from her brother, and then suppressed a laugh as his wife smacked him for the less than appropriate punch line. She watched the way her mother interacted with her youngest grandchild, the little girl giggly and happy on her birthday. Jamie had only just noticed her father wasn't beside her mother when she noticed him headed in her direction.

"Almost a year since the last time I spoke with my only daughter who _does_ still live in the same city, and we're finally in the same room and you're so quiet, I actually had to have your mom tell me where you were."

Jamie looked up at the source of such a familiar voice and couldn't resist the smile that sprouted her lips. She knew her father couldn't see it, but somehow it seemed that every time she smiled he somehow knew. Perhaps it was a father's intuition, or perhaps it was just because after some forty or so years blind, he really didn't need to see anymore to know exactly what was in front of him. She greeted him warmly as he made his way to the space on the loveseat next to her, and as she looped her arm under his so she could hold her hands just like she had throughout all her childhood, Auggie Anderson couldn't help but smile.

"So," he mocked awkwardness even though there wasn't a hint of it in his rougher voice. "How's my superhero daughter's life these days?" Jamie wanted to laugh lightly at his choice of words but settled for a soft smile that perhaps while invisible to her father, wasn't lost on her other parental figure across the room watching with curiosity.

"I've been good," Jamie tried to make her voice sound sincere.

"Liar," he didn't even let her flesh out the part. The pair grew silent.

"You know one of the first days I met your mom, one of the key moments we had was proving how well we caught each other's bluff. I think somehow the foundation for our entire friendship was built off that moment."

Jamie felt like the air in her lungs was getting heavy, and instinctively she let her head droop over to rest of her father's shoulder and pull his arm closer in her hold like she had so many times as a child. Her whole body seemed to want to travel back to a time when she was twelve and a girl in school had teased her relentlessly and only her daddy's hugs and voice and surprisingly straightforward words made her feel better. Of course, she wasn't a child anymore, and her problems were so much more complicated than being bullied for being a very petite tomboy, not to mention the _girl_ was now a _man_ throwing her heart for a loop.

"You know, my hearing is still pretty impressive," her father spoke softly after she remained silent throughout her mental monologue. He knew something was eating away at his daughter's brilliant mind, and it hurt him in only a way a father could be hurt to catch all the subtler details about his daughter that were throwing off red flags. Her arms seemed much thinner than before, her hair was dry, her breathing pattern seemed strained and forced, and her lack of verbal response was deafening. "We can pretend you're a little girl and you can tell your old fart of a dad what's wrong again."

Finally she let out a small chuckle and it brightened the older man's spirits just getting a response from his child. "I just have a lot on my mind," She finally spoke, earning a groan from her parent.

"Ugh," his distaste was blatantly obvious. "Always with the vague answers. You are too much like your mother."

Jamie couldn't help but smile again. "I wish," she let the words slip off her tongue before she even had a chance to hold them back, and the frown on her father's face was more than evident. She finally let out a long and steady breath. "How did mom do everything she did without falling apart?"

Auggie had to a pause for a moment to way down his daughter's words. A puzzle was slowing forming in his mind, all his old CIA skills slowly turning their gears as he pieced this problem in front of his together. "I love you Jamie," he started after some time. "But you don't know even a fraction of what you're mother has been through before our lives calmed down and we brought your brother and then you into this world." Annie Walker-Anderson's loud laugh broke the pair's attention then from the other side of the room. Jamie watched her mother for a moment, seeing how happy she looked at the present, her youngest grandchild in her arms, her bright smile laughing at her daughter-in-law's story or joke. Jamie had read more classified details about both her parent's life as operatives than she would ever admit, and seeing both her parents now, so comfortable in this cozy family of theirs, it was hard to imagine they shared the past that they had.

"Not everything your mother and I did is in our files." It was like the blind man could read her thoughts. "There are missions and targets we had that will never appear on paper or come to be spoken among even the highest official's walls."

"I don't know how she held it together," Jamie finally admitted. That was it; that was the moment that overused, metaphorical light bulb went off inside the older, blind man's head. He understood now what his daughter was questioning.

"Your mom made it through everything the same way I did." His daughter finally looked up at him. "We had each other. We didn't have a _rock_ to lean on; we had a strong foundation to always be there even when everything else crumbled. When you live the life we did...that a part of me always hoped you _wouldn't,_ you need to have someone there to support you. You are going to see more horrors out there and realize the deepest secrets of your country that will make you feel like the world is crumbling all around you, and those are the times you need someone you can rely on not to disappoint you or attack you and be able to hold you together when everything else is falling apart, no matter the situation. You need a foundation. Your mom and I weren't in a relationship until years after she was already knee deep in the business and I was recklessly putting myself into less than responsible situations and relationships. She was my best friend for years before we got together, and I think that is what helped us survive more than anything."

Jamie was silent, all the words that her father spoke weighed down heavily on her conscious.

"After I lost my sight I wasn't sent out in the field anymore. It made me bitter, and for years I was angry at the circumstances that left me behind a desk listening to all these younger operatives go out and have the adventures I wanted instead of exploring them myself. I was dead set on making sure I would _never_ need to depend on anyone. When you end up in a situation like I did, everyone automatically labels you as being less than capable of surviving on your own, and that mixed with my anger made me reckless and honestly really stupid trying to prove to myself and others all the time that I didn't _need_ anyone. Then I was assigned to your mom, and I swear, it was like my whole world changed from that day." His voice broke for a second. "It sounds so sappy, but I didn't think about it like that back then, I just knew there was something in her that was different, and before I knew it she was being sent out on these operations that she really shouldn't have. I became so invested in them, that I don't know how it took me so long to realize the effect she had on me. I went from being someone _she_ needed, to her being someone I realized almost too late that I needed too."

A loud and excited yell from her youngest niece broke Jamie's attention then. She watched with a heavy mind as the small child ran excitedly through the room, her father and Jamie's brother pretending to run after her in their silly game. Jamie watched silently and her father beside her listened carefully as the game in front of them continued on to a bout of excited shrieks and giggles.

Her niece calmed, and with a laugh that seemed to boom, she watched her brother undeniably gravitate towards his wife. His arm wrapped around her, and the blonde woman laughed as her husband planted a playfully and sloppy kiss on the side of her head, a silent whisper in her ear. There was something happy in witnessing this moment, but it was also something that left a taste of nausea in the pit of her stomach.

"I would say you seem distracted today but I have a distaste for stating the obvious," her father voiced after another minute.

She wasn't even sure why, but there was a pull on her all of a sudden to get out of her seat.

"I have to go," she stated quickly as she stood from her seat. She expected her father to say something but the expression he was wearing told her he was expecting the abrupt announcement more than anything. She disappeared towards the front of the large but homey house and even if the blind, older man couldn't see it, his smile was more than evident that he understood it all.

* * *

She didn't even bother locking her car as she hurried out of the garage and up the backstairs. She passed one floor, and then the others, and when she finally landed on her level and pulled that door open she looked up and felt her breath catch in her throat.

He was there. Benjamin Ryan was sitting on the floor just outside her apartment door, one large plastic case on his left, a smaller duffle bag in his lap, his head resting back against the wall with his eyes closed. She took slow and calculated steps forward before he heard her and opened his eyes again. Their eyes met and he stood slowly, never breaking their contact as she started taking slow steps towards him.

The two stayed silent even if so many unspoken words hung in the air. Jamie unlocked and opened her door with a creak of the hinges, and after Ben pulled all his belongings inside it closed just as noisily. Once the two were cast in the darkness of her small and closed apartment, she finally turned towards him again. His tall body was cast in silhouette against the small illumination filtering in from the window so late in the evening, but somehow even like this there was something about his presence that made her skin ripple over in goose bumps and want to swallow the lump in her throat. Even in the shadows that were difficult to make out, the young woman could tell his eyes were diving into hers and searching for something she never before wanted to admit.

"Jamie," he started quietly after some time. Jamie cut him off before he could speak however, taking one step closer to him, putting her hand on his chest to pause him as she tried to formulate all the words weighing her down. She felt her heart beating loudly in her chest.

"I…" she struggled to find the words, her eyes faintly making out more features in his face and body as her eyes adjusted. Her vision fell to her hand, still on his chest and she felt another pressured breath being released from her lungs. "I don't know how to say everything I need to say," her faint admission came out in a whisper.

In a room so dark and silent, the woman could hear him breath against the faint noises from the city outside her apartment walls. He was waiting for her; he was standing there, eyes focused on her smaller form, waiting for her to say all the words she struggled to find in this pivotal moment they were having. But Jamie felt like the darkness, the words in her mind, and the breath from the body in front her was starting to slowly suffocate her. Her limbs felt heavy, her joints tightening under the pressure she was putting on herself.

_She didn't understand._ She started pull back in surrender but he stopped her. Both of his much larger hands caught hers as it started to retract from its place on his chest, and he took a half step forward until he was so close to her, she could almost feel the heat emanating from his body. His hands pressed hers back gently against its previous spot and she felt something in her body buckle and want to sink down into him.

"Why did you leave?" He finally spoke again after feeling her hand so cold in his. She felt the skin prickle behind her neck and over the rest of her body. She opened her mouth to say something, to try and answer the question even if she felt like she could barely breathe more less speak, but no words came out. She didn't have an answer to a question she didn't understand herself.

"I know when we met you told me you didn't like relationships," he started again softly as before. His voice was slow and almost gentle, an undertone of restrained hurt trying to mask itself as calm. "But despite my better judgment, I was so in love with you." His voice finally broke, not from tears, but from too many thoughts and emotions, and meanings congesting their best way out, blocking his voice for a moment until he could compose another thought. "Part of me always had the feeling I wouldn't get to know everything about you that I liked, but I hoped you would at least tell me if there was a chance."

"You scared me," she said so abruptly, he stopped in the middle of speaking another word. Jamie didn't dare look up, her eyes focused on her hand still in his, but under the weight of his eyes she knew were on her, she could almost physically feel his expression change.

"I don't want a relationship because I don't want to depend on anyone." Her voice was so faint; she herself could barely make it out. "You scared me when I…" the word was stuck on her open lips.

He waited for her to finish the word stuck in translation, to give him the thought that was plaguing her mind to violently that she couldn't speak out the thoughts themselves. His hands released hers so he could move just a little closer. "Jamie…"

"I need you," she finally admitted all at once, and in that very instant everything inside of her fell apart and Ben, so closer to her their skin almost touched could only pull his hands around her to keep her from crumbling under the weight of it all. "I _love_ you," she admitted it again with a new adjective as her entire body wanted to pull him into her. "I loved you so much, that I needed you." Her voice rose, emotion flooding out with every word she spoke, her face changing, expressions passing, body vibrating with every new admission she made. "I needed you. I woke up from that _nightmare_ and all I needed was to know you were there, and they told me everything else, that I was pregnant for two seconds but all I needed was to know you were _still_ there, and even today when I saw you and I _needed_ to be closer to you and I _needed_ to have you, and I _needed_ to tell you everything I couldn't, you scared me so much because I _can't_ need _anyone_, but I _need _you_,_ and I _love_ you, and…I don't know _how_ to _need_ anyone._"_

He pulled her tightly against him before she could recover from her broken voice. He could feel her quiver against him, and when she wrapped her arms tightly around him too, her head against his chest, and his chin against her forehead, she wanted to crumble in his arms. Her eyes stung harshly under the burn behind her tightly pressed eyelids and she felt the first hint of something foreign, warm, and salty at the brim of her eyes.

"I love you," his harsh voice was warm like an embrace in her ear and even through the tears on her face she couldn't suppress the growing smile on her face. For the first time since she was a child and before she became what she was today, Jamie Elizabeth Anderson knew she needed someone else in her life, but most importantly, she was okay with it.

"I love you," her whisper wasn't of repeated words but an entirely new admission.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Sorry for the delay in update, but as you can tell, this was one monster update.

Sadly my dears, this is the end…kind of. As of now this is the second to the last chapter I have planned for you, so I hope you've enjoyed the ride. It was fun creating new characters and stories stemmed from characters and backgrounds we love so much already.

As promised (although I have to tell you it was not how I was intending to) Auggie was in this part. =D Auggie of course, always my biggest inspiration for just about everything I write for Covert Affairs. In fact, I can finally admit something: my whole idea for this fic, and this Jamie & Ben relationship stemmed from the well know quote of Auggie's "I never need anyone, but I need you." (that's probably not direct but I haven't looked up that scene recently.) The idea was that Jamie is this character so determined to always be strong and always be so fiercely independent that she failed to realize in her line of work (which is also very lonely as we've noticed from when Annie was dark) you need that someone to be your support system. The biggest part of what made Annie so successful in the four seasons we've seen her so far is Auggie who even before they were in a relationship was that friend and that support system that she could always rely on. Annie's worst moments were always when she was at odds with Auggie, and of course the same could be said about Auggie. Much like his fictional daughter here, Auggie is hard headed and refuses to ever, ever, **_ever_** show the he depends on anyone for anything. But lets face it, more than once he's relied on Annie, even if not physically. Take all that idea and add a new twist on it and I came up with Jamie, their daughter with her whole new set of faults and Ben, the free-spirited photographer with a deeply romantic and attached side. (Ben's a good guy. I hope he's exactly the kind of person Jamie would need to support her when her job gets her troubled.)

So anyways, I hope you enjoyed and I can't wait to share the end with you (which will finely be back in present day and bring the story full circle).

Thanks for reading and don't even hesitate to leave any comments, reviews or even questions and criticisms. (I'm an artist, I can take it.)

Lots of love,

- Liz


End file.
